I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
