I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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