Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
