either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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