We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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