you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
