Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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