hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
