We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
