i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
