Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
