I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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