god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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