So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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