the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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