Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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