i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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