the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
