he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
