My hair reeks of homosexuality.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Michael Bay diarrhea
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
