I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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