Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
