too bad you live with your parents still
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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