if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
