Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
