Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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