So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
