If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
