Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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