you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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