Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
