she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
