guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
