Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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