Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
cat food counts as protein by the way
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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