More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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