i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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