Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
