Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
