Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
