so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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