I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The feeling are messing with the penis
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
