umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
