I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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