woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
