I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
