You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
