Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
