so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
