i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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