im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
