I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
