She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
