You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
