you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
