Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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