He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
