If i come over, it means nothing
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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