lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
