Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
