my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
