next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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