I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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