You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
did you just send me my own nude
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
