So drunk its hurt
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
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sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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