honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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