Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize