walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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