you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
