i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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