Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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