Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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