all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
