seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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