Non-Jews are for practice
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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