A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
